Carson

It had been great. Homecoming was perfect, and she had slowly been gathering the courage to tell him outright. This was long overdue, and she didn't want to live saying what if. She knew he'd think it was a little cliche, falling for the best friend. It didn't matter. She so rarely revealed these kinds of vulnerabilities, preferring to act as confidant, as the shoulder to cry on, the advice giver, and the patient listening ear. Rejection terrified her, but not knowing was worse.
After rehearsal for the school play, the two climbed into General Norman, and she revved the deafening engine to life. Mentally, she readied herself. Maybe today? Maybe. She looked up just in time to see him send a text message. That was strange. He's not a texter. When she casually asked, he shrugged and said "No one. Levi." His eyes, more green than blue today, stared unseeingly at the dashboard. She knew, almost intuitively, that he was keeping something from her. Immediately she forgot her objective. He never kept secrets from her. Levi must have just told him. Offhandedly, she mentioned that she knew what was going on with him. He stiffened and said abruptly "You don't." Taken aback, she glanced over at him, trying to read his expression while keeping her eyes on the road. She had never seen this expression on his face before. I'll bet I do, she replied. I bet you don't, he said back mockingly. Their eyes met, trying to see how much the other knew. Finesse had never been her strong suit, so she said What's going on? bluntly, and a little sharper than she intended. Silence. Then in a softer tone she added you can tell me. As she took the curve in the road, she looked over at the passenger's seat. He gazed out the window. With an unexpected sigh, he collapsed slightly, like the air being swept from a balloon. Defeated, he said "Levi and I are kinda happening."

She was speechless, for what might have been the first time in her life. Her mind short-circuited and went blank. After what seemed like an extremely long time, she wondered vaguely why neither of them were saying anything. Oh right, it was her turn. All she could come up with was ...what? She must have misheard. "Levi and I are happening." he said again, stronger this time, but something in his voice was off that she hadn't picked up on the first time. Subconciously, she began to realize what this meant. Reflexively she forced herself to stay in the moment. She didn't want to feel whatever this was. Replaying what he just said in her head, she realized suddenly what was off in his voice. He was reaching out, taking a rare leap of faith. She pulled herself together immediately. Working her way through the factual questions, he revealed how long they'd been talking, who approached who, etc., and it seemed to calm both their nerves. She drove around aimlessly; going straight home was out of the question. Finally, she got around to asking the most important question. "Does this mean you're..." I don't know, he cut her off. Neither one of them said it. After a brief pause, she cracked a lame joke, something about therapy and her truck. He laughed, more of a release than out of humor. His laugh stirred at her emotions, which had been slowly building up in the back of her mind. Unthinkingly, she blurted so, uh, you probably already knew this, but I've kinda had a thing for you for the past, like, four years. She clamped her mouth shut, and summoning all her will, dragged the emotions back under control. She laughed and tried to play it off like it wasn't a big deal. It worked. Yeah, I know, he laughed softly. She laughed with him, with a faint hint of hysteria in her voice.
She drove into his neighborhood. She could feel it now. It hurt physically. Her stomach felt like it was in an impossibly tight vice, her ribcage was about to be ripped apart, it was like she was in some twisted Saw trap. She struggled to keep her voice from revealing the lump in her throat, stubbornly refusing her voice to crack. Not yet not yet she frantically thought. Thanks for telling me she said, half smiling at him. Mhm, thanks for everything. Love you! He got out of the cab, turned and smiled at her, his eyes weary, yet still warm. Even as reality was sinking in, she could appreciate that, she thought as he walked into his house.

As she put General into drive and jerked away from his driveway into his cul-de-sac to turn around, the floodgates finally broke. Heartbreak, fresh and searing, washed through her. She could see the entire future they could have had flash before her mind's eye, one image as quickly as the next. Humiliation and rejection, completely irrational, but ever present made her feel like curling up into a ball, never showing her face again. Putting her car in park, she cradled her head in her hands and screamed long and loud. This was it. Her first lesson in unrequited love, knowing that there was nothing she could do, nothing she could say. She was in love with him, and he would never, ever feel return the feeling.