She

At some point she realized it was too late. Or maybe she had always known, and lived in denial. Either way she knew, sitting on the warm sidewalk on a hot Valdosta afternoon, that there was no going back. It was just a casual talk with her friends, and she was staring off into space, and reality hit her. Hey, her friends said, you alright? You look a little pale. She excused herself from the conversation and just started walking. No no no. She told herself that she was over this, it was nothing serious, get on with life. So why did it keep drifting back into the edge of her thoughts, worming its way into her head, like the lyrics of an annoying song? This should just be like any of the others, she thought, still wandering aimlessly. It should have passed with time. Please, let this one go, there's nothing there. She looked up, finally noticing where her walking had taken her.
The cool air of the VSU library was a welcome relief from the sweltering humidity. She walked to an empty desk, and without thinking, pulled the beat-up blue notebook out of her sling bag that she carried everywhere. She flipped to a blank page, grabbed the mechanical pencil she kept in the spiral binding of the book, and stared at the paper. Now what? she thought. She's not a writer. What the hell was this going to accomplish? Unthinkingly, she titled the paper. Dear Carson...
Two hours and four pages of crossed out passages and hurried chicken scratch later, she put her pencil down and closed the tired old book. Sitting back in her chair, she breathed a sigh of relief. Nothing had changed, but she had written it all down. Even now, she still wasn't sure if it was a confession, a break-up letter, a slam book entry, or somewhere in between all of those. But she knew there was no more hiding from it. She knew that she was in love with Carson, she knew she was going to try everything to get over him, and she knew it wouldn't work. Because she had always loved him, and probably always will.
She felt a tap on her shoulder, and looked up. It was her friends, wanted to know if she was alright. She smiled and responded. Yeah, she said, shoving the notebook and everything it contained, away and out of sight. Let's go grab dinner.